I noticed this morning when I was practicing qigong, an energy in the palms of my hands, and deep inside my body. I noticed how as I moved, the energy moved. I was acutely aware of it. I am just at the very beginning of this journey, and it feels so right. Why didn’t I do this years ago?!
It reminds me of the energy that I used to feel as a child when I used to heal people. I would feel a burning energy in my hands and place my hands on my mum’s head and neck and release her from headaches, and her ankle when she hurt it. I remember doing the same with my dad, my grandmother, and with a friend. But I stopped. In my teens and early adult life I was ridiculed for being able to heal, and instead of standing up for myself, I believed them. Welcome back energy!
I wonder if this is why I had a really bad tummy for most of today and a headache? I’ve been drinking so much water and no caffeine, alcohol, only good foods. Emotions are rising, and ebbing like tides, and I ride them out, like a surfer riding the waves.
I feel pulls and urges… to write poetry; draw; clear out loads of shit from my house that I have held on to for years; to dance (oh how I want to dance!!); to be with people and to be alone (mostly alone); to get involved in some kind of protest group or political movement… I could go on. And I know I must be gentle with myself. All of this can wait! I know so deeply that what I need more than any of this, is time, space and to be gentle with myself (except the dancing, that I am doing now!!) I need to heal and truly love myself for the very first time.