The Place of New Beginnings

East Down – The Place of New Beginnings

Well, its been 2 years since I came here (to this blog). Why did I leave? I am not really sure, what I do know is that I have missed it! I am still Paradoxical Girl, yet older, wiser, calmer and in a very very different place within myself after a deeply changing and profound experience I had recently. I may write about the actual experience here, I certainly know that I need (want) to come here to process what has happened, what has changed. I am the butterfly emerging. As I have walked this journey over the last few days, I have been in deep, deep body process. I am journeying into new (and yet old) ways of moving… walking, dancing, qigong.

After ‘The Experience’ as I will call it, I have a strong move towards meeting the warrior within me. I know this journey has just begun, that I will walk through dark forests, climb high mountains and dive into dark waters to fully become the warrior. But I do believe that I have met her already, and that she emerged this weekend. I am left with a deep connection with myself, with others, with the earth, with how I walk this path. So much is rushing through my mind, energy surging through my body. So much is changing within, I feel sick, I feel ecstatic, I feel a deep grief and loss, I feel happy and joyous, I feel an energy that I used to call anxiety, but now feels different, positive, makes me feel truly ALIVE! I can’t ever remember feeling like this before, I truly feel reborn.

I had a dream last night, that until I wrote it down I didn’t realise the significance of it…

I was on a train, alone but there were others on the train. I realised that someone had taken my phone, and some other device I had (something like a pager?). I was asking around on the train if anyone had seen my phone, when a group of younger people started laughing at me and taunting me. I knew they had my phone. They handed me something, telling me it was my phone, but I quickly realised that it was the detonator for a bomb, and that they were wearing explosive vests. I threw the device back at them and ran, jumping onto another train just as that one exploded. I felt shocked, scared. This next train was stationary, going nowhere. It was a goods train and full of cargo. I didn’t like it here, it was cold and dark. I felt I really needed to hide. I jumped onto another train, this time it felt much warmer and more welcoming. Everyone was friendly. I didn’t know where it was going but I didn’t care, it felt right…

I feel this dream was indicative of my experience recently. The trains signified different parts of the journey, and my fear-filled and brave leap to another path.

I am brave. I am warrior. I am me.