Change, Awareness, Gratitude

Since starting qigong, I am experiencing so much change within, and without. I am aware of it constantly.

Energy flows, aches, pains, awarenesses of parts of the body that I didn’t have an awareness of before! Other pains, which had been there for years, gone, dissolved, like they had never existed.

Change in my posture, in my weight, in how I breathe, in how I use my energy. Wanting to stand more rather than sit, wanting to move, to walk to run, to dance.

Change in appetite, in how much water I am drinking, in no longer drinking alcohol, change in what I want to put into my body, great eliminations.

Changes in how I relate to clients, to others, to loved ones, to strangers, in how I relate to myself.

Awareness of so much in the past, and how I related to it, how this has changed. Awareness of abuses, misuses, of numbing it all out, of addictions.

Awareness, and trust in the strong, deep cleansing process that is happening now.

Awareness, love and deep gratitude, to my teachers. To my openness to learn. For my life, my spirit, for what is me.

The Feminine

I feel you coming, deep in my gut the old wound is reignited.
You never wait to be invited, though your presence is reliable.
Consuming my energy, you slip so comfortably into my very being.

I smell you coming, deep, earthy smell like the ancient ground.
Magenta waves pulse throughout my feminine, emptying my womb.
I loathe your entitled manifestation, yet I revere your erudite presence.

I see you coming, deep scarlet, flowing away like a graceful river.
Waxing and waning from the vivid, harsh centre, to the faded, soft edge.
You slip into the past easily, like ancestral tales of untold lives.

Somatic Ecstasy

Last night, and this morning during qigong practice, I felt deep tremors in my legs and my arms, radiating throughout my body. Such a wonderful energy! Afterwards as I lay there I felt intense ecstasy and a warmth inside, pure love.

Today, I have felt several strong waves of intense energy manifesting in my body. Waves of somatic release, surging through me like electric shocks. Initially, with those waves came fear, I tried to fight against the waves.

Then came acceptance. I rode the waves, with an exhilaration like never before. It was somatic ecstasy.

Everything became been so clear, so transparent. I was almost overwhelmed by the experience bombarded upon my senses. I have stayed, as far as possible, with perception, with just being, rather than interpretation and explanation of everything that is happening to me.

The connection I have felt to myself, to others, to the earth is profound.

Today I have just Known.

I am amazed that this is continuing to happen to me. Four weeks after The Experience, I am still processing, still experiencing, still changing.

I am grateful.

Dream Love

I reached out and touched her skin,
Surprised by the softness that lay beneath my fingertips.
Her long red hair tumbled down over her shoulders,
Like a veil pushed back.

I looked into her deep, ocean eyes,
And saw her soul shining back at me, trusting, knowing.
She reached out from her soul towards mine,
Embracing my beating heart.

She caressed me with her soft feminine,
Hardly touching me yet pushing waves of ecstasy through by body.
Knowing how to touch me, no words needed,
Understanding who I am.

She held me close, our bodies hot, pulsing,
Entangled together, hearts beating as one in a timeless, forever plane.
In our safe world where no one knows,
Drifting into blissful oneness.

I opened my eyes into the darkness,
Reaching out into the cold, empty bed beside me, realising, heart sinking.
Disbelief, deep heart-sadness, I was alone,
Grieving my dream lover.

Missed Connection

Deep heart-felt connection,
I see it in your eyes;
I feel it in my heart.
Slipping easily into a soul-felt union.

Wanting to reach out to you,
To touch you,
To hold you.
Held back by the cold hand of circumstance.

Drawing back into steel boundaries,
Out of the light,
Away from my heart.
Keeping things as they ‘should be’.

You rocked into my world,
With your darkened skies;
And broken heart.
Jolting my heart with your electric lyrics.

And now, we go back to our lives,
Silent once again,
Only whispers of the heart.
Until the next time we meet.

Wolf Medicine

Wolf has visited me.
Creeping silently between the trees.
Observing me, waiting.

Wolf has whispered to me.
Wolf-speak secrets and messages.
That I do not know.

Wolf has touched me.
I almost caressed his soft coat.
But not quite.

Wolf has summoned me.
Knowing that I am ready.
That it is time.

What is the medicine that the wolf brings me? He appears so often to me. I am ready for what he brings, though I am not sure what that is yet. When I see him, I am filled, bodily, with excitement, fear, knowing. And yet as soon as the thoughts come, I am left confused, un-knowing.

Solstice Breath

20170621_051019

I stood on the top of the tallest hill at sunrise, waiting for Sol to appear on the longest day. Filled with pure heart-joy. Thinking of all that I love. I experienced synchronicity and one-ness with Mother Earth below me and Father Sky above me. I breathed in the energy of the Solstice. I stood like a tree, breathing, being.

The climb to the top was like never before. It was easier than I had ever experienced. Each step was a moment in my journey. Each step was a breath. Each step was a moment in time, after the previous one, and before the next one.

Solstice blessings.