Wolf Medicine

Wolf has visited me.
Creeping silently between the trees.
Observing me, waiting.

Wolf has whispered to me.
Wolf-speak secrets and messages.
That I do not know.

Wolf has touched me.
I almost caressed his soft coat.
But not quite.

Wolf has summoned me.
Knowing that I am ready.
That it is time.

What is the medicine that the wolf brings me? He appears so often to me. I am ready for what he brings, though I am not sure what that is yet. When I see him, I am filled, bodily, with excitement, fear, knowing. And yet as soon as the thoughts come, I am left confused, un-knowing.

The Lesson of Stillness (is Sometimes Hard)

Stillness is sometimes hard. Today this is what I have found. I know I find peace and attunement in the stillness. In the space in between breaths, in the shadows. And today it has eluded me somewhat. There is a lesson there too, but I cannot see it or hear it yet.

I have been with the bees today, but have also not ‘been’ with them, just ‘doing’ with them. Chores and necessities which have taken me away from the stillness.

 

I have also felt disconnected today. I wonder if some of the disconnectedness comes from what I have put into my body today? After my qigong this morning I felt amazing. I have also drank a lot of water all day too (it’s been hot!). However, I ate a lot of bread, hardly any fruit or veg. And, most disappointingly (with myself) I had a few sips of alcohol at a bbq I was at this afternoon. It was literally about four or five sips (of homemade mead). I had decided not to drink any alcohol at the moment, even with J drinking most nights I haven’t had any desire to have an alcoholic drink, so I was a bit upset with myself for having some today. I’ve not had any since, and it feels really empowering, really strong not to.

Of this, I am accepting.

All is as it is meant to be.

Therapeutic Claustrophobia

In the last two weeks I have on occasion had a feeling when I have been working with clients and supervisees. It is an intense, overwhelming feeling deep within my body, filling every cell and spreading out to my extremities. It grips me, holding me with it’s vice-like grip, not letting me go. It’s a kind of tension, a feeling of “I’ve got to get out of here”. I feel sick and uncomfortable and really lose focus for a moment whilst I adjust to the feeling.

Not the kind of feeling I want when I am being there for someone.

Today I had the feeling in all three client sessions I did.

On Wednesday I had to leave a supervisee for a moment as I “desperately needed the loo”. I didn’t. I just had this overwhelming feeling of needing to get out of the room.

It’s like therapeutic claustrophobia.

I have tried: breathing into it; ignoring it; shifting about in my seat; drinking water; not drinking water.

Maybe I could try changing the energy of the session, perhaps talking to my client/ supervisee about what they are feeling in their body at that very moment? What is this feeling trying to tell me?

The only two things that seem to relieve it are, time, and going out of the room. I wonder if it is bladder related? I have never had this feeling before linked to the bladder, and don’t get it out of sessions.

I need to listen to it, I am sure it has a lot to teach me.